


in the half light

by harukatenoh



Category: Hades (Video Game 2018)
Genre: Character Study, Conversations, M/M, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Missing Scene, Nightmares, Relationship Study, ship stuff in 3rd ch
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-07
Updated: 2020-07-17
Packaged: 2021-03-02 04:07:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,326
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23528878
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/harukatenoh/pseuds/harukatenoh
Summary: You don't die over and over again without internalizing some shit, even if you are a god.
Relationships: Megaera & Thanatos (Hades Video Game), Megaera & Zagreus, Thanatos & Zagreus (Hades Video Game), Thanatos/Zagreus (Hades Video Game)
Comments: 47
Kudos: 1448





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> first hades fic! definitely more to come! supergiant has cursed my dick w this one.
> 
> title from half light i by arcade fire

Thanatos is sitting with Megaera in the lounge when the unmistakable sounds of the Pool of Styx parting reach his ears. There’s a splash of water, a groan, some words muttered that he can’t quite make out… and then footsteps.

Megaera snorts. “You would think he would’ve learnt his lesson by now,” she says dryly. 

“You give him too little credit,” Thanatos replies. “It takes much more than this to tell Zagreus anything he does not want to hear.”

Megaera almost smiles at that. Thanatos almost smiles back. It is a briefly embarrassing moment for the both of them, with the tone of the conversation bordering almost on fond, so as quickly as it happened, they both move on. 

Right on time, as well, because then Zagreus is coming in through the entrance of the lounge. Thanatos meets Megaera’s gaze again, and they both silently agree to end their conversation there.

Many of the things Zagreus is disparaged for, by his father, or by the Furies, or by anybody else who feels like casting stones at an easy target, aren’t actively bad traits. In truth, and Thanatos does not say this lightly nor would he say it aloud at all, the only thing about Zagreus that is objectively questionable is his habit of eavesdropping. Everything else is a matter of perspective, and in Thanatos’ perspective… Well.

He is the great equalizer. Death is not swayed by anything. Or so they say.

As it turns out, however, there was apparently no need for Thanatos and Megaera to stay their tongues. As Zagreus walks in, he does not even look their way; he simply turns left, towards the Broker, and slams down some keys on the counter. 

That is unusual. Thanatos would be afraid to be caught staring, but it is plainly obvious that Zagreus is distracted, so he takes the time to study the wayward prince. 

Zagreus seems… tense. It is like he has been wound up, a string of fate wrapped tight around his every muscle and bone, and now he stands so stiff and rigid that Thanatos’ bones almost ache in sympathy. Even stranger that it is Zagreus, so carefree and ever-moving, who looks this way. What happened out there this time?

Megaera clears her throat.

Thanatos looks back at her. 

There is a complicated look on her face, but it passes so quickly that Thanatos has barely had time to decipher it before she returns to her usual stoic countenance. 

They hold their eye contact for a while longer yet, and then Megaera sighs and pushes the remains of his drink closer to him.

“Let’s finish up here,” she says. “We both need to get back to work.”

Isn’t that always true. The first of the Furies and Death incarnate. There is always work to be done. Thanatos nods at her, and drinks the rest of the nectar. Megaera hadn’t clarified where she had gotten it, but he can guess easily enough.

As they both stand and move towards the exit, Thanatos is given view of Zagreus again. The lounge is barely occupied today: most likely due to the presence of the God of Death and a Fury. It means that he and Megaera both have a clear line of vision to Zagreus, and both can easily watch as he finishes up his deal with the Broker and turns away.

Whatever is bothering him, he is so wrapped up in it that as he goes to leave, he practically runs into Dusa dusting a nearby table. 

Dusa gives a high pitched squeak as a vase on the table almost topples, then another one as she turns and realizes exactly who had just bumped into her. It takes exactly two milliseconds for her to burst into frantic apologies and laments, squeaking out a rapid stream of  _ oh my gosh the Prince I am so sorry this is totally my fault please don’t tell Nyx _ until Thanatos couldn’t even tell what she was saying any longer.

Zagreus simply stares at her, eyes wide, knocked out of his own head and now looking like he had no idea exactly where he was or what had just happened. The lack of reaction seems to upset Dusa even more, because after several more nervous and rapidfire apologies, she bolts for the door and does not look back.

Zagreus watches her go, the strange bewildered look still on his face. His mouth is open, as if he was just about to say something to Dusa, but was too late on the uptake.

Just what was going on with him?

Thanatos turns to Megaera, who is watching Zagreus with narrowed eyes. 

Without even sparing Thanatos a glance, she starts to storm towards Zagreus. Thanatos stares after her in equal bewilderment as he stared after Zagreus, seconds before. He goes to stop her, or say something, or even merely follow her, but before he can move he’s distracted by the sound of a familiar muttering coming towards the lounge entrance as well. 

Surely not now.  _ Surely. _

Thanatos looks over and sees Hypnos hovering towards them, scowling down his list and muttering about Zagreus and the Pool of Styx and something-something  _ redacted. _ Then, looking further down the hallway, he sees that the Lord’s throne is empty.

It clicks into place for Thanatos. Blood and darkness.  _ This  _ is why he does not take breaks. If he so much as looks away from the mortal realm, or from Zagreus, or even from the House, everything falls apart right under his nose.

He makes eye contact with Hypnos, who looks up just in time to catch the last steps in Megaera's rush towards Zagreus. Following Hypnos' gaze as it moves past him, Thanatos turns back towards Megaera and Zagreus.

Zagreus barely notices her approach, which can only incense Megaera more.

Her voice lashes out like her whip: fast and merciless and nigh unavoidable. 

"Zagreus, what was  _ that?” _ she snaps, and Zagreus, with the eyes of the entire House on him, does something unthinkable. He flinches at the sound. Just slightly, but enough that Thanatos was sure of what he saw.

Thanatos has never felt the bloody touch of injury in his life, but the shock strikes him like an arrow to the heart. 

Even Megaera seems taken aback. Sometimes, the most godly thing about Zagreus is how impervious he seems to fear; he has never cowered from anything, never backed down from any fight. Even moving beyond that, supposing there were things above, beneath or on the Earth that Zagreus was afraid of, Megaera, first of the Furies, has never been one of those things. She could never be one of those things.

It is Megaera, and it is Zagreus. The thought is simply impossible.

Still. There is no mistaking it.

Zagreus, seeming much more cognizant of his position, looks nervously at Megaera. Then, he looks around the lounge, taking in the sight of Thanatos and Hypnos and the rest of the scattered crowd.

"Um," he says, eyes wide with something that surely cannot be panic but cannot be identified as anything else, "I'm going to go find Dusa."

Then, as if he still had Hermes' blessing fuelling his feet, Zagreus darts away from Megaera and out of the lounge.

There is a moment of complete, pure stillness.

Then, Megaera turns towards Thanatos. She looks at him, clearly taken off guard, but Thanatos has no answers to the questions she has. He, plainly, has no idea what just happened.

He senses somebody approach. Zagreus? Thanatos turns his head, hastier than he would care to admit, and comes face to face with Hypnos’ frowning face. Right. Of course. 

“Wow,” Hypnos says, wincing as he stares at where Zagreus had disappeared, “he is not having a good day. Miss Megaera, you really freaked him out back there,”

Megaera frowns. There is no guilt in her expression, but there is… something. 

“He’s never done that before,” she says slowly, sounding the most hesitant Thanatos has ever heard her be. “I’ve never seen him so…”

She turns to look at him again. Thanatos takes a moment to be incredibly discomfited by how Megaera seems to think she can find all the answers to Zagreus in him. He does not know. He feels as if he barely knows Zagreus at all.

Then, he shrugs, murmuring, “I know no more than you, Megaera. I’ve never seen him do that either.”

Hypnos cocks his head, putting a hand on his hip. “You  _ were  _ being awful scary,” he tells Megaera. “I mean, between the constant fighting, the brutal deaths, and the nightmares, can you blame the guy for being a bit jumpy?”

Megaera stares at Hypnos, speechless. Thanatos finds himself in the same position.

Hypnos stares back at them, and goes, “What?”

“What?” Megaera echoes back at him weakly. “Nightmares?”

“That’s what I said,” Hypnos replies with his infinite patience. “Fighting, death and nightmares. I do not want to be him right now.”

“How do you know he’s been having nightmares?” Thanatos asks, because the fighting and the death is obvious enough, but nightmares? People tend to offer Thanatos information about Zagreus, regardless of whether he asks or not, which makes him feel a complicated set of feelings that he usually ignores in favour of his work or... literally anything else, but he had heard nothing of this sort.

In a stunning reversal of tradition, Hypnos gives Thanatos a deeply unimpressed look. “Hello?” he asks mockingly, gesturing to himself. “A lot of people around here tend to forget, since I’m always tending this list, but my domain isn’t paperwork! I’m the god of sleep! Of course I know!”

Oh. Right. Of course. Thanatos may be possibly somewhat out of sorts.

He looks at Megaera, who is now looking in the direction that Zagreus had zipped off to with a tense expression. Once again, it is not guilt, but it is something. There is something. She has one hand clenched into a fist.

Always a woman of action, Megaera releases this fist, opens up her palm and stares down at it, and then storms off in Zagreus’ direction.

“There she goes,” Hypnos says. “Think she’ll make it worse?”

Yes. No. Who can say. Megaera and Zagreus are… complicated. Thanatos should go after her. Thanatos should not go after her. 

Thanatos, realistically speaking, should go do his divine bidding. He hears the souls of many mortals calling to him. The sound of countless hourglasses smashing on the ground, whether half full or almost empty or barely started. 

Although they do nothing more than alert him, Thanatos realizes that many-a-person would consider this nightmare fuel. What does Zagreus dream about? What would plague his dreams, when so little seems to plague his waking moments?

He realizes he’s gone too long without talking, or even moving, because Hypnos goes, “Than?”

He looks up, the movement jerky, to see his brother staring at him with a doe-eyed gaze. “Yes?” he rasps.

“Are you okay?” Hypnos asks.

Yes. No. Who can say. 

“I need to return to work,” he says, because he does not know what else to say. It is so, so strange. He barely tolerates the world of mortals and its garishness, but ever since Zagreus decided he wanted more, the House has been almost as unbearable. Thanatos is starting to find the quiet routine of his work a reprieve every time he returns after visiting home.

“Oh,” Hypnos says, face dropping a bit. “Of course you do. I guess I’m glad I caught you before you left. See you around then, Than? G—”

There is a little known secret about Thanatos. He hates goodbyes. There is something to be said about Death Incarnate being deeply averse to goodbyes, but Thanatos will not be the one to say it; it is enough to know that he simply despises them. 

Before he can hear the word drop from his brother’s lips, he shifts away. Back into the mortal realm. It has not changed since the last time Thanatos was here, and he doubts it will change in the next eons to come, but… It feels different.

Something has changed. Possibly even Thanatos. He has a lot to think about.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so this is... not the second chapter i originally planned, but meg was like >:( i want zagreus quality time. and she gets what she wants! so, yeah. zagaera sexiest pair of exes to ever live

Megaera finds him in the courtyard outside of his room, absent-mindedly jabbing his spear into the air. 

Hm. Not _his_ spear, but it certainly does not look like it did the first time it came into Hades’ realm. Megaera has no idea what Zagreus has done with it. 

Megaera has no idea what Zagreus has done with _himself._

At least there’s a simple way of getting answers. For all his faults, Zagreus has at least managed to escape the infuriating tendency for obfuscating and elusivity that the rest of his family possesses. He is never anything but honest. Never anything but true. That, in itself, can be infuriating beyond belief, the thought that an Olympian’s son walks around with an open, bleeding heart, but. It does make things simple.

She walks up, making it as clear as possible without blatantly announcing it, that she’s approaching. She feels briefly foolish for the fuss, because Zagreus should know better than to let anybody sneak up on him ever, but she’s not willing to risk a repeat of what had happened in the lounge.

It’s… it’s a maudlin, dithering kind of sentiment, and she wants to hit herself for it pretty much as soon as it crosses her mind, but in all honesty, the image of Zagreus flinching away from her in the lounge almost makes her turn back and walk away.

She doesn’t, though. She keeps going. She and Zagreus are good at that.

She walks up, and he doesn’t flinch this time. Good. 

Instead, he turns to her, hefts the spear over his shoulder, and smiles. Zagreus is as quick as his uncle’s lightning with his weapons, but quicker still to smile; Megaera had never realized how much she had begun to take that for granted. There are parts of her that had simply assumed Zagreus would always have a smile for her whenever they met. Sometimes she would chase it off. Sometimes he would push it away himself. 

But when they first meet, it’s always been a smile. Never anything else. Not until today.

She realizes, perhaps a little belatedly, that she has no idea what she wants out of this conversation.

Zagreus’ smile doesn’t look any different. Maybe… maybe she had thought that she would be able to spot it, the echoes of whatever had been wrong with him on the lounge, but he smiles at her and she can see nothing past it. 

“Meg,” he greets warmly. His smile turns sheepish. “Sorry about the scene back there in the lounge. I’ve already tracked Dusa down and apologized profusely, so feel free to not yell at me over that.”

She blinks at him. “I wasn’t going to yell at you,” she says, because she finds herself at a loss for anything else to say.

Zagreus’ eyebrows go up. “You had your yelling face on,” he tells her, his eyes twinkling with mirth. Megaera frowns.

“What?” she shoots back, thoughts derailed. “I do not have a yelling face.”

Zagreus snorts, and then, upon seeing the stormy look on Megaera’s features, bursts into laughter. Clear, joyful laughter. 

Megaera stares. Her confusion must show on her face, because Zagreus takes another look at her and starts to laugh all over again, eyes squeezed and mouth spread wide. 

It’s… good to hear, Megaera must admit. Laughter is rare down here, and if one does hear it, Zagreus is almost always the culprit. His laughter is even enough to make the corners of Megaera’s mouth upturn, but she’s too occupied with being confused. It’s good to hear him laugh, only she just can’t figure out _why._ He… well, really, he shouldn’t be.

He’s acting like that moment before in the lounge hadn’t happened at all. Acting like he hadn’t come back from another fruitless attempt at escape, ignored everybody in his path, crashed into Dusa and then _flinched when Megaera approached._ She knows Zagreus almost as well as she knows herself, knows him probably better than she ever will know anybody else. Even more than that, she knows what fear looks like. 

When Zagreus had entered the lounge, she could see the way his muscles were coiled, and see the way his features were set. There had been a _darkness_ that she’s never seen in him before. 

She knows what she saw. She knows, and she’s certain of what she knows, except she can’t find any of that in him now. She doesn’t understand how he’s being so… _normal,_ and so convincing about it as well. Maybe that’s the most unsettling thing of all.

Maybe she doesn’t know Zagreus as well as she thought.

“Meg?” Zagreus says, now seeming more solemn. Megaera realizes with a jolt that they’ve both been silent for a while. “You’re starting to make me think there’s something wrong.”

 _There is,_ she thinks. Nightmares, Hypnos had said. Nightmares, and that distant look on his face ten minutes ago, and the fact that they have to do this at all. Everything has been wrong since Zagreus decided to up and leave.

Gathering her scattered thoughts, Megaera looks away from him. It’s cowardly, but it does make her next words come easier.

“Hypnos says you’ve been… having nightmares,” she says, tongue almost tripping over the words.

There is no response for a few, heavy moments.

Then, Zagreus sighs. Megaera is the First of the Furies, the scourge of Tartarus, the demon at the gate; she reminds herself of this, and finds the strength to look at Zagreus.

This time, he’s the one looking away. There’s a strange, rueful smile playing at his expression. 

“I was hoping that nobody would find out about that,” Zagreus says, which makes Megaera want to hit him a little. She knows that she doesn’t really have any claim to knowing, and that is the way both she and Zagreus like it but…

Ugh, it’s so _like him_ to simply hide things like this. As if they don’t matter. As if they’re meaningless in the big picture. Zagreus is a god through and through, alright, because he’s always caught up in the promise of something more—something bigger and greater and brighter—and everything and everybody he leaves behind in his wake is simply that. Left behind.

She stops just short of snapping at him, because she’s at least aware that that wouldn’t be a great move. She breathes in deeply, and when the knot of anger and confusion and possibly even concern in her chest loosens, she speaks.

“I suppose you thought you were doing a good job hiding it earlier, when you were walking around the lounge looking as though you would strike down the first person who met your gaze,”

The words still come out sharper than she intends them. Zagreus does not seem to mind, at least. 

As always, he rises to the challenge.

“That’s hardly fair,” he says, putting a hand on his hip. “I _did_ meet somebody’s gaze, after all, and there was no striking down involved.”

Tone icy, because he’s deflecting again, Megaera says, “Not my point.”

Zagreus meets her gaze, and the look he gives her is somewhere between pleading and exasperated. She doesn’t budge.

Rolling his eyes, he turns away. “It’s nothing, Meg,” he says, waving a hand. “Satyr poison has some nasty side-effects, including night terrors. That’s all.”

Satyr poison. Of course. Megaera doesn’t doubt that those creatures had managed to find a way to make their elixirs even more miserable. The knowledge that Zagreus is familiar with such a thing almost stings. Megaera has never felt the touch of a Satyr in her life.

Satyr poison still doesn’t explain why Zagreus had reacted to her in… in the way that he did. She’s not satisfied. Even though every new day feels like another day where Zagreus grows away from her, she’s still fairly certain of her position in his life. In that awful, roundabout way that he is important to her, she is important to him. It is no small occurrence or dismissable moment that Zagreus had been…

Well. Scared. Of her.

He had been scared of her.

Despite everything, the thought hurts. It hurts, and unbelievably so. She’s not satisfied with his answer, because there surely has to be more to it if he had been reacting to her like that. She wants to press on, to demand actual answers, but she finds that her tongue has frozen in her mouth. 

She does not want to say it aloud. It is beyond cowardly. Unbefitting of her station. A childish notion. 

She scrapes out, somehow, past the ice in her mouth and the dust in her lungs, “That’s all?”

Zagreus sighs again. His eyes are dark and deep, and the promising depths of them once thrilled her and infuriated her in equal means.

“I don’t know what you want me to say, Meg,” he says with a shrug. “The dreams have to be based on something, I guess, and I’ve been doing a lot of fighting lately. It doesn’t mean anything.”

He has been doing a lot of fighting. Some of it against her. She knows Zagreus does not hold it against her, prefers it this way, even, and she herself refuses to feel bad over it whatsoever. But still. She feels… something. She feels something.

“Zagreus,” she says, her voice bordering on hoarse, helpless, hopeless. “What are you doing to yourself?”

She wants to reach out, but, well. Obviously, she doesn’t.

Zagreus’ casual demeanour drops completely, and the darkness comes rushing back to the surface. It brings along with it a hardness, and a sharpness, that she’s never seen on his face before.

“Whatever needs to be done, Megaera,” he says, in a tone so determined that it feels like a blade against her throat. “I hardly think _now_ is the time for you to be questioning me.”

He’s right. They’ve been long past the questioning now, really, but Megaera still stands here and stares into Zagreus’ burning gaze and feels as if there is something utterly, deeply wrong with this. Zagreus has gone against his father. Zagreus has betrayed her. Betrayed the Underworld. He has pulled Nyx and Thanatos into his stupid rebellion. He has been reckless and idiotic and stubborn, and Megaera has found issue with every single thing he’s done, but this… This—the fact that he’s tearing himself apart inside and out—is the first thing that she’s found truly unforgivable.

Quietly, she says, “This isn’t sustainable,”

The shadow over Zagreus’ expression flickers, and then vanishes completely. Like it was never there. He gives her a small, tired smile.

“I don’t need to sustain it,” he says. “I just need to get out.”

He looks towards the exit that he’s found for himself. Taking the spear off of his shoulders, he spins it a few times in his hands, then bounces once or twice on the balls of his feet. Megaera doesn’t know what there is to say, so she doesn’t; she just watches as he strides towards the crack in the Underworld’s defenses and out towards danger like there’s nowhere else he wants to go more.

Zagreus reaches the exit, and then turns around.

Smiling back at her, he says, “Hope I see you out there, Meg,” and then he’s jumping through.

Megaera watches him go. Wonders if this time, he’ll get out.

(Quietly, secretly, very timidly, hopes that he will.)


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i have NOT played the blood price update if this has somehow been jossed please forgive me

Zagreus is expecting it, when that familiar bell tolls and everything goes green. 

After all, in the past hour, he’s talked Dusa through a mini-anxiety attack, dealt with Skelly’s judgmental silence, and suffered through Megaera’s attempt at… 

Okay, he doesn’t actually know what she was attempting to do, but it was  _ something. _ It comes as absolutely no surprise that Thanatos wants to chase him up as well. 

The problem with being the son of Lord Fucking Hades is that to some extent, everybody in the Underworld believes they have a claim to knowing his life. He loves them all, he does, but some days it feels like he can’t even give his father the side-eye without being ambushed by somebody who wants to discuss it. After that stupid scene he’d made in the lounge, he doesn’t know why he had hoped to have some time to himself. Seriously. At this point, he’s shocked that his father hasn’t decided to pop in and make some snide comments over it. What does a guy need to do to get some privacy around here?

_ Escape, _ his mind tells him, which, yeah, he  _ knew _ that already.

Still, his lingering irritation over having his business be the Underworld’s business aside, he can’t stop the smile that steals across his face when Thanatos appears.

Than doesn’t smile back, but he never smiles back. It doesn’t bother Zagreus anymore. He can already tell that Than’s got himself pretty worked up, judging by the way his expression’s pinched, and that’s a sign of care that means far more than a smile. 

“Zagreus,” he greets, staring at Zagreus with those piercing golden eyes. 

Lucky for him, Zagreus has worked off all of his annoyance and anxiety while fighting through Tartarus and Asphodel. All things considered, he’s in a pretty good mood now, and that means that Than can stare and scrutinize all he likes, and all Zagreus will feel is mild amusement.

After a few moments of staring, it becomes clear that Than can’t seem to find whatever it is he’s looking for. 

Turning his head away, he sends a glare towards the warriors of Elysium that are spawning around them, and mutters, “Well, let’s get on with it, then,”

Zagreus huffs a laugh. He knows that he shouldn’t find Thanatos’ petulance so charming, but he does—every time Thanatos pushes him away or snaps at him or vanishes after a stammered retort, he finds himself even more ridiculously charmed. 

Still, Than is right. They should get on with it. The spirits are singing for his blood, and his blood, as always, sings for freedom. 

With a few careful spins of Varatha, he dispatches some of the spirits closest to him. As per fucking usual, several souls flitter about in the wake, and Zagreus rolls his eyes and chases after them. Another few jabs and slashes with the spear, and they fall too.

Out of the corner of his eye, Zagreus watches a patch of ground go dark. He turns around just in time to see Than raise a hand, and for the circle on the ground to light up. 

Several warriors dissipate. 

Their souls scatter, and as Than readies another attack, Zagreus darts in and takes a few of them out. Not too many, of course, lest Thanatos, god of brattiness, complains, but he manages to keep the score even. 

Though, as the battle goes on, Zagreus finds himself less and less inclined to contribute. It’s not an entirely overwhelming arena, so he dispatches whoever comes into reach as well as chases up any errant souls, but leaves the majority of the work to Thanatos.

He’s the God of Death, after all. He doesn’t need the help. 

Plus, Zagreus thinks that after the day he’s had, he deserves to stay back and appreciate some of the rare… finer points of the Underworld.

He bites back a smile, watching Thanatos glide over and take out another cluster of souls. They must be near finished now, and although Zagreus knows he has no hope of catching up to Than’s score, he’s not overly concerned. He can manage without the Centaur’s heart. 

Thanatos, ever graceful, ever brilliant, rips his scythe out of the last soul flittering about, and thus it ends.

Zagreus leans on his spear and grins at Than.

He looks around the battlefield, frowning slightly, before moving towards Zagreus. For some reason, Zagreus finds that he can’t stop his smile from growing.

“I… won,” Than says, his eyes narrowed.

Zagreus laughs, standing up straight and twirling his spear. “Now, Than, don’t sound so surprised. You aren’t  _ that  _ bad,”

Than frowns—almost  _ pouts _ —at Zagreus. “I won by a considerable amount,” he says.

“That you did,” Zagreus replies brightly. “Do you want a congratulations?”

“No—” Than starts, before cutting himself off. He glares at Zagreus, his lips pursed. He crosses his arms. “You are infuriating,”

Zagreus snorts. “People keep telling me that, lately. Can’t imagine why. I personally think I’m a delight.”

Than stares at him again, his gaze simultaneously softer and more piercing. He’s still looking for… whatever it is he’s looking for, it seems. The problem is, is that Zagreus isn’t sure that he’ll like the answers he’s going to find.

Then, Than closes his eyes and sighs. “You are going to make this difficult, aren’t you,” he says dryly.

_ And I thought you said you didn’t know me, _ Zagreus thinks fondly. Than isn’t looking, but he smiles anyway. Good practice. “I don’t know what you’re talking about, Than. Care to elaborate?”

Than stays silent for a few moments. It hangs in the air around them, floating like snowflakes on the breeze. Snowflakes, and the winter winds. That’s all Zagreus knows about the world above him. Nothing but cold.

Then, Than opens his eyes again, sending Zagreus a frustrated look. “You talked to Megaera,” he says. Borderline accuses.

Zagreus makes a face. “I don’t know that I’d call that… talking,” he says.

Than makes a face right back at him. 

“I…” he starts, before pausing and wrinkling his nose in distaste. “I did not need to know that.”

It takes a moment for Zagreus to realize what’s been lost in translation. He straightens up, shaking his head rapidly. “No, no, no, I didn’t mean that. That isn’t… Meg and I aren’t… That’s not a thing anymore.”

Than, very obviously looking like he doesn’t believe Zagreus, which is fair because Zagreus did kind of mess up that denial, says, “Okay…”

Zagreus shakes his head again. “Seriously, I mean it,” he says. He winces, rubbing the back of his neck. “Honestly, after all the times she’s tried, and, uh, succeeded, in killing me… that ship has definitely sailed.

The situation’s a bit more complicated than that, and in all honesty the murder attempts factor in a lot less than he’s making it out to be, but Zagreus isn’t super interested in explaining exactly to Than why he and Meg split. He’s also pretty sure that Than isn’t super interested in hearing about it, either.

Zagreus, feeling a little like a fool, stares down at the ground. They’ve been dancing around the… the flirting, and the gifts, and the unasked for and highly dangerous assistance on his quest a while now, but Zagreus had thought he had been pretty obvious. If Than still thinks that there’s something between him and Meg… Well, it’s not exactly encouraging.

Zagreus resists the urge to sigh. And somehow  _ he’s _ the infuriating one.

Instead of muttering out some kind of denial or deflection, which Zagreus had expected, Than quietly asks, “Is that what you see?” 

Zagreus looks up at him in surprise.

Than is staring at him, with a stubborn set to his jaw. 

“What?” Zagreus asks.

“In your nightmares,” Than clarifies softly. “Is that what you see?”

Ah. The snowflakes land, and the air empties. There it is. 

Zagreus guesses there really is no avoiding this conversation. Again. For the second time.

He shrugs. He doesn’t… want to turn Than away, or refuse to talk, but he just does  _ not _ want to talk about it. He’s rather sick of thinking about the things he sees when he’s asleep, actually. It’s bad enough that he has to see them in the first place.

“Sometimes,” he replies. “Not always. It’s the violence. That’s mostly what I… see. All the fighting and bloodshed and such. Sometimes it’s Meg on the other side of the weapon. Sometimes it’s a nameless spirit.” He snorts half-heartedly. “Sometimes Lenny features. Those are pretty fun, I must say. He’s a great conversationalist.”

Everything left unsaid stays unsaid. That’s the nice thing about talking with Than, at least. He won’t dig. Sure, sometimes Zagreus wishes he would, but this time… 

This time, he’s glad for the silence.

Than breathes out slowly. “Fighting and bloodshed and such,” he repeats, not looking at Zagreus. Not even looking in Zagreus’ direction. Instead, he stares down at the scythe held in his hands.

It’s interesting. Zagreus knows, logically, that to everybody else dead or alive, that scythe is a symbol for death. Still. Still. Still he looks at it, and can only think of protection. Of loyalty.

Zagreus huffs. “It seems to be all there is, down here.”

“It’s all there is on the surface as well,” Than says. “My work is neverending.”

That sounds like a goodbye. A Thanatos-style goodbye, because he doesn’t like normal ones. Still, Zagreus has learned the signs.

He braces himself for Thanatos’ departure, but that’s not what he gets.

Instead, he gets Than turning his eyes to the ground, quiet and shy, and saying, “Well, it’s not all there is.”

“Than?” Zagreus asks quietly.

Than continues on. “There’s this flower. Red. Blood red.” He looks up at Zagreus with a small, gentle smile. “It grows wherever there are battlefields, in the thousands. In some places I go, it’s all I can see in every direction.”

His throat strangely dry, Zagreus says, “Wherever there are battlefields?”

He looks down at his feet, as if expecting this flower to pop up in the grass, but it’s just the Underworld. Always just the underworld.

Than nods. “Wherever there are battlefields,” he confirms. “They cover it all up. Like… like a sea of flowers.”

“Or a blanket of snow,” Zagreus adds.

Thanatos’ smile grows a little stronger. “Yes,” he says. “Or a blanket of snow. It swallows up all the ugliness of war.”

Zagreus breathes out. He can’t imagine it, really. Even a week ago, it felt as though knowing the touch and taste of snow was impossible. 

“Why are you telling me this?” Zagreus asks. Than has always been quick to remind him that the world above isn’t all that it’s made out to be, but this is the first time Zagreus has heard him say something so… positive. So evocative.

Than looks away from him again, and Zagreus thinks he might even see some colour on his cheeks.

When he replies, he looks back towards Zagreus, with those endless, endless eyes. “All there is down here for you is violence. It’s all you know.” 

His voice doesn’t tremble, isn’t pained, because he is Death and nothing touches Death, but Zagreus thinks it might come close. 

Zagreus wants to throw his arms around him and never let him go.

Than continues. “I… I want to give you something else, to think about. Something to remember. Then maybe the next time you dream, it won’t be violence. You can dream about what comes afterwards instead.”

Zagreus tries to conjure the image. No blood. No pain. Just him, and an endless field of flowers. Or him, and an endless blanket of snow. Or a neverending shore, or a mountain that disappears into the clouds, or a river that goes on forever. 

Then, like lightning, Zagreus  _ wants. _ Zagreus wants so desperately. He wants to escape, and he wants to know, and he wants to  _ live: _ live with the knowledge that Death will always be a shadow at his side. 

You cannot outrun death. Death is everywhere.

That, Zagreus thinks, is the entire point.

He meets Than’s gaze, with all of that quiet uncertainty and unsteady hope, and he smiles. 

“Thank you, Thanatos,” he says. He hopes that Thanatos hears all of it: all of his want, and his sincerity, and his love. 

Thanatos smiles back. Hesitantly, he reaches out an arm; Zagreus is leaning into his touch before it’s even there, letting his face fall into Thanatos’ caress with ease.

Thanatos smooths his hand down Zagreus’ cheek. Quickly, quick enough to catch those fleeting touches, Zagreus turns his head to press a kiss into Than’s palm.

Thanatos, eyes wide, keeps his hand very still. Zagreus thinks he could stay like this forever and ever and never want anything more.

A lie, of course, but a beautiful one all the same.

“You know, it wasn’t all violence, growing up down here,” he says. 

Than looks genuinely surprised by that. Fair enough. It’s very, very rare that Zagreus has anything good to say about the Underworld.

“No?” Than prompts.

Zagreus shakes his head, soft, just enough that Than can feel the movement in his fingers.

“You were there as well,” he murmurs. 

Than’s fingers tremble against Zagreus’ skin. “I wasn’t there very often,” he replies. He frowns. “That hasn’t changed.”

Zagreus smiles at him. Kisses his palm again, just to feel the way Than shudders. 

“You’re here now, aren’t you?” Zagreus asks. The countless other times that Than has done this, shown up out of nowhere and aided in Zagreus’ fool’s errand, remain unsaid, but not forgotten. Zagreus does not forget them.

Than exhales. “Yes,” he says, and Zagreus watches as his other hand drops his scythe to the ground. “I am here now.”

Zagreus doesn’t know who leans in first, when their lips meet. He doesn’t know anything except for this: the warmth of Thanatos’ hands, the taste of his mouth, the hum of his heart. The violence of the Underworld seems eons distant. It is just him, and Than, and the lack of distance between them.

Zagreus hopes that, if he ever dreams of that field—if Than really has managed to chase away his night terrors—that among all of that red and green, he won’t be alone. 

Above all things, Zagreus is sick of being alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading! i hope you enjoyed. zag's pov was a little tricky for me to write, which is funny considering he's the playable character, but i hope i did him justice.

**Author's Note:**

> this one, and all of my future hades fics, goes out to all of my friends on twitter who watched me have an exponential meltdown over thanzag and still stayed mutuals with me <3


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